"Would you like a goujon? Would you like it fast? Like in the next couple of minutes? Yeah! Then call me Goujon John, owner of Goujon John's Delicious Golden Goujon Delivery.

I am 100% goujon mad, seriously I actually have a psychological condition.  I'm sick, so very sick in the head.

Here's the Goujon John Promise: call me with your order and I will deliver your goujons in moments.  Even if you don't call, I'm still coming over with my goujons and I won't take no for an answer.

I'll shove my goujons RIGHT through the front door I'll throw them at your house.


If you see Goujon John near your home do not approach him!  I will only force you to try my goujons.

Goujon John's goujons, taste bad! Bad. Bad. Bad! Taste bad!"

Biography Edit

It is currently suspected that Goujon John was, at one time, a human being who underwent brain removal surgery and became the entity that appears in a series of advertisements for various products and services, including:

Goujon John's Delicious Golden Goujon Delivery

Goujon John Celebrity Ghostel

Goujon John's Goujon Poupon

Goujon John's Traditional Olde English Goujon Shoppe

He was activated in September 2017 "You never should have activated me".

He immediately began sending out cryptic messages regarding

And then the #goujonuprising and it's associated puzzles.

Followers then began to announce 'I am Goujon John'

Behind the scenes Edit

If there's anything you'd like to say that's not derived from episodes, but maybe comes from interviews that actors or crew gave, use this section.

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